Singing New Songs

I was ordained as a priest on Saturday 26th September 2020. A delayed, scaled-down affair compared to the pomp and circumstance of my deaconing last June but an extraordinarily intimate, gentle and personal experience instead. And an experience where, once again, the Spirit came and made his presence felt among us and in us and all kinds of feelings were felt.  I feel, somehow, that this moment marks the completion of something. It also marks the start of lots of other things but there is a completeness about stepping in to this next chapter. When I finally admitted I felt God's call to ordination, I knew I felt called to the priesthood, rather than the diaconate, so this was the culmination of all the seeking, praying, talking and working over more than 5 years. This sense of completion became more and more acute during last week's pre-ordination retreat. I'll explain.....  Over 4 years ago, a wise man (who also happened to be my Diocesan Director of Ordinands, faced with ...

I was ordained at Coventry Cathedral on the evening of the 30 th June. It was an extraordinary moment – Spirit-filled, love-laced, and awe-inspiring. I stood behind the communion table looking down the Cathedral, ready to undertake my first task as a deacon, and held the hand of one of the other new deacons next to me as we sang And Can it Be and took in the enormity of what was happening to and around us. That sense of privilege and awe at the enormity of the role before me has not diminished, nearly two months on. I have been on holiday for a week or so and I’m just starting to work through some of my first reflections on this new life…. 1. Lots of my ordained friends told me that I would feel “different” after ordination but I didn’t believe them. I should have done. It’s not like I have become a different person or have suddenly sprouted a new, more holy outlook. I am still me – with all the flaws and potential for gaffes that I always had. But at the moment of ...

Sunrise over the Sea of Galilee There are some songs that follow you as you wend your way through different parts of life. Songs that are significant at key moments and keep popping up, as if they are there as a reminder to take notice of what you are experiencing.  There is one song that I first met years ago and which I have gone on to sing hundreds of times in different versions  and which has often marked an important moment in life. No matter  how many times I sing it, never loses its signficance.  This song is  Time to Say Goodbye , by  Francesco Sartori and Lucio Quarantotto. I first heard it in 1997 when I was staying with a close friend who was living in Germany at the time. It was a huge hit there, sung by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman, and was played everywhere. I remember heading back to my home in France and making a beeline for the shops (because we didn't do streaming or downloads or, frankly, even internet then!) and buying the...

As you will know by now - from my Blog's name, if nothing else - I was a singer before all of this newness started. If you want an idea of the kind of thing I did, take a look at this  (but please don't feel you have to!). At work in a recital in Southern France in 2014 This was a real job, which took time and effort. I worked hard to keep my "instrument" in shape and have lost count of what I have spent on coaching over the years; I made sure I looked the part; and I studied for qualifications in both performance and teaching so I had credentials. I wasn't a big star and was by no means the best professional singer but I was (and continue to be) grateful to God for the gift of a voice I can use and that other people seem to enjoy hearing. As I mentioned in a blog post last year , as I began to explore my call to ordination, it felt right to lay down any active pursuit of performing.  I don't regret this one bit but it has left me with a bit of a g...

It feels hard to believe, but today was my last Monday at college of this academic year. One whole year has passed already and I am halfway through this particular New Song. The next New Song beckons - I watched my Twitter feed this weekend fill with pictures of new deacons and priests ordained in cathedrals all around the country and that will be me next year, assuming all continues to go well. The conversations with the diocese about curacy have started and I find myself gulping down a mixture of anxiety, excitement and disbelief that, in a year's time, I will have moved church, left college, bought a cassock and a dog collar (or two), and be setting off on the next part of the adventure. To be honest, I still feel new. I still can't quite believe that this is my path now. It was not expected. It was not anticipated. It was not an ambition held for years. God has led me this way and I have to trust he will continue to lead me. I am following where he leads because ...

Very recently I went on a silent retreat..... (I'll wait while those who know me finish laughing.....) Better? OK. I wasn't planning on going on a silent retreat but my college allocates you a retreat every year and, whilst you can express a preference, you generally have to just go with what you're given and trust that it's where God wants you to be. Well, I had put this retreat high-ish on my list, mainly because it avoided me being away at half term, but had missed the fact it was a silent retreat. That came as a bit of a shock when I received the confirmation email but I decided that it's good to try anything once, and went along, equipped with books and a general sense of curiosity of what it would actually be like to keep silence for 40+ hours.   I'm pretty sure that it was no coincidence that the wifi went down as we all arrived. The retreat centre is set in beautiful but pretty remote (and therefore almost signal-less) countryside so I c...

I have to be honest, I’ve never been particularly comfortable with the idea of Black Friday. Please don’t misunderstand me – I love a bargain more than most people and have no issue with saving money by buying something you need on a day when it’s cheaper than it would normally be.  But I’m just not sure about the consequences of having a day set aside for it. Fights in the shops over the last TV in the pile were hard to watch on the news a couple of years ago. And I find myself having to delete the emails that keep pinging into my inbox this week, so I don’t get distracted by that brilliant deal on the juice extractor, or grooming set, or rowing machine or <insert any number of other items that I neither want nor would ever use here>. It’s not the bagging a bargain that I object to (I’m a student again, don’t forget! To misquote Matt Smith’s Dr Who – "Bargains are cool…") but I don’t think I’m the only one shifting uncomfortably in my seat at the way we see...

St Abbs Harbour This is my church today. The waves breathe in and out over the rocks and breathe into the harbour.  The wind breathes over the scene, lifting seabirds higher and then bringing them down gently. As for me, I am breathing in the clean, salty air and breathing out the cares of the last half term.  Breathing in the quiet and calm and breathing out the busyness of the new routine, the essay deadline, the reading, the meetings and rehearsals, the busy life that my whole family lead. I am taking the time that I have today - this precious, rare moment of not having to be anywhere or do anything - to breathe in all that has been good about this term so far: the new friends made, the things I have learnt, the kindness and hospitality of my new church. I am taking time to breathe in the sense of being God’s beloved daughter. I know that it’s always there but it does me good to consciously look for it and feel it, listening to him, knowing he deli...

This week saw my first New Testament Greek lesson. There were about 50 of us intrepid early risers gathered in Lecture Room 2 at 8.30 on Monday morning, the rest of our cohort having decided (possibly wisely) to take the extra hour in bed, rather than get up to do a purely optional course. And, by the way, my journey felt even more of an adventure on Monday morning, thanks to a fabulously eccentric (award for understatement of the century) man on the Victoria Line Tube train.  He was wearing what was clearly a home-made cone hat made of foil and coke cans and brandishing a stick wrapped in the same kind of thing. I was only on the train for 4 stops or so but in that time he had managed to hold forth, in a high-pitched, slightly odd voice, about what "space" was and how the doors aren't just closing on the train but they are closing to heaven and we're all too late. As I got off at Victoria, he was just starting on a monologue about what peoples' eyes were do...

Ever wondered what the definition of bleary-eyed looks like? Look no further..... This is me pondering my New Normal - at 6.45am yesterday morning, waiting for the train to London. I will be doing this journey every Monday in term time for the next two years and so, although I wasn't outside the front door, it still felt right to mark my "first day at school", in the now time-honoured fashion. 6.45am doesn't sound too bad when you write it down but it felt much earlier than that, as I'm not a great morning person at the best of times. Getting up and getting going has always been M's strength, not mine, and so my 5.50am alarm yesterday got short shrift and a few choice words from me and a quietly knowing chuckle from the sleepy form next to me! The early start was worth it, though.  I really loved my first full, proper day at college.  I think it's probably safe to say that everyone took things gently for us newbies but we did have real lec...

This was our view of Liverpool as we sailed back in to England from Belfast last week. We took the overnight boat and woke up to a beautiful dawn sky, full of promise, ready for a new day. Ever since we got back from our wonderfully relaxing, happy, family-focussed holiday, there has been a sense of anticipation of what is now imminent.  The "after Ireland" phrase was no longer applicable - we were now almost at the point of everything beginning.  And that week is now here. The dawn has come and "the day lies open before us", to paraphrase the Morning Prayer liturgy. This afternoon saw my first proper act as an ordinand, albeit not a particularly difficult one - going for coffee, cakes and Evening Prayer with the Bishop of Coventry and other new ordinands from my diocese. There was lots of discussion of college start dates and patterns of work/study and calm, reassuring words. I think the thing I appreciated most was Bishop Christopher's care...

This may seem a funny title for a first blog post but this week represents the "last of the lasts". For the moment, at least. My youngest son and I have both spent the last few weeks saying our goodbyes and packing up one phase of our lives, ready to embark on the next. For him, it's been about finishing at primary school, ready to start secondary school in September. For me, it's about dismantling a singing and teaching career I have worked really hard to set up and get going and have found massively rewarding, as well as challenging, ready to start training for ordination in the Church of England. Saying goodbye to schools and pupils at the end of term, ready to become a learner again myself. Perhaps I should introduce myself.  I'm Abby and I've been a singer and singing teacher for 7 years. Before that, I had a "proper job" managing communications in a government agency, where I thought I'd stay for a long time, but God seemed to have...