Light

I was ordained as a priest on Saturday 26th September 2020. A delayed, scaled-down affair compared to the pomp and circumstance of my deaconing last June but an extraordinarily intimate, gentle and personal experience instead. And an experience where, once again, the Spirit came and made his presence felt among us and in us and all kinds of feelings were felt. 

I feel, somehow, that this moment marks the completion of something. It also marks the start of lots of other things but there is a completeness about stepping in to this next chapter. When I finally admitted I felt God's call to ordination, I knew I felt called to the priesthood, rather than the diaconate, so this was the culmination of all the seeking, praying, talking and working over more than 5 years. This sense of completion became more and more acute during last week's pre-ordination retreat. I'll explain..... 

Over 4 years ago, a wise man (who also happened to be my Diocesan Director of Ordinands, faced with the unenviable task of preparing me for the selection process which would decide whether I was to be recommended for ordination training or not) told me that, as a creative person who liked writing, he wondered if I would ever consider trying my hand at some poetry. 

I remember giving an unconvincing reply at the time and I confess to not having felt any urge to write poetry since that time. Until about 2 weeks ago, when I have felt what I can only describe as a "bubbling up" of something. 

I wasn't sure what the "bubbling" was about until the day before my ordination last Friday, when 4 of us stood and remembered our baptismal vows by the font at Coventry Cathedral, under the glorious Baptistry window, with the light dancing through the stained glass. More bubbling. 

And then, as we prayed our thanksgiving at the end of the last retreat session, I felt God remind me of the end of my Bishop's Advisory Panel (the 3-day selection process which ultimately decides whether you'll train for ordination or not) in October 2016. As part of the final act of worship before all the candidates left, one of the advisors had anointed each of us with oil as a sign that, whether we were recommended or not, God had placed a call of some kind on each of our lives.  

I was reminded that, as I received the anointing of oil, a ray of light felt right onto me through the long, thin chapel window. It felt prophetic then and, I think, turned out to be. And with that reminder, I felt the bubbling turn into something that I could write down. 

It has been quite a year since my deaconing. I am 15 months older and a whole pandemic wiser. Things have not been straightforward. But I am still in love with the life I have been called to. 

I hope that this poem that has somehow bubbled out of me, only 4 and a bit years after I was first prompted, captures some of that.... 

Light

 

Light shone

Through long window panes

As I received an anointing for the call on my life.

Whatever that was.

A baptism of sunshine;

Almost a response

To the ‘yes’ I had said over those three days;

A wordless affirmation of all the words I had wrought as I sought God’s will.

I closed my eyes and felt God’s smile bathe me in warmth.

A shimmering embrace from the Father to this awkward, doubting daughter.

 

Light shone

Through long windows

As I knelt to receive holy hands,

Enveloped in the warmth of God’s invitation to step into this new light.

Illuminated by history.

Dazzled by the future.

A spotlight honouring my story so far.

A lighting-up of my next steps.

A glinting, flashing reminder to follow where He calls;

To trust the Light of the World to shine.

 

Light shone

Through another year.

Light that was sometimes a small pinprick at the end of a dark tunnel,

Sometimes a blazing reflection of Your glory.

Sometimes warm and inviting,

Sometimes stark and uncomfortable,

Yet always Your light.

A light that beckoned me in.

A beacon that signalled Your will.

A torch that showed me the way.

 

And now I find myself standing,

Bathed in rainbow light,

Autumn’s sun smiling on me,

As it did through the long panes four years ago.

I echo a ‘yes’ said for me, a promise made for me,

and in that ‘yes’, this awkward, doubting daughter sees love, grace, mercy and joy

Dancing in the diamonds that glitter around her

And the sparkling threshold of my next chapter:

A call to shine with Your light

And to invite others to warm themselves in that same

Shimmering embrace.

 

 

By Abby Rhodes, on the eve of ordination to priesthood.

Under the Baptistry window, Coventry Cathedral

25^th September 2020

Baptistry window at Coventry Cathedral.
Photo taken at time of visit on 25th Sept 2020.