Singing New Songs

I did some curacy training recently at which we were asked to ponder some big questions. One of those big questions was, "Do you feel good enough?" This is an issue I have long pondered over many years. I kind of know what the answer should be but God seems to take me on a different journey each time I ask myself the question.  This time, the journey took me along all kinds of paths, meandering around personal and ministry stuff, all bathed in the shadow of the news and the coverage of how women are treated and what, if anything, we can do about it.  And, as I meandered alongside this big question, a phrase met me:  "Stop trying to be a good girl and be God's girl."  This sounds obvious but to someone like me who has always tried to be "good", it's actually something of a revelation.  There is a difference.  So I wrote another poem to try and articulate this.....  Good Enough Be a good girl. Don’t make a fuss.   Be a good girl. Stay sma...

I was ordained as a priest on Saturday 26th September 2020. A delayed, scaled-down affair compared to the pomp and circumstance of my deaconing last June but an extraordinarily intimate, gentle and personal experience instead. And an experience where, once again, the Spirit came and made his presence felt among us and in us and all kinds of feelings were felt.  I feel, somehow, that this moment marks the completion of something. It also marks the start of lots of other things but there is a completeness about stepping in to this next chapter. When I finally admitted I felt God's call to ordination, I knew I felt called to the priesthood, rather than the diaconate, so this was the culmination of all the seeking, praying, talking and working over more than 5 years. This sense of completion became more and more acute during last week's pre-ordination retreat. I'll explain.....  Over 4 years ago, a wise man (who also happened to be my Diocesan Director of Ordinands, faced with ...

I've had a week or so to think about my first Holy Week and Easter in my new church. With essay deadlines just beforehand and a busy schedule, it all felt quite intense. But the intensity I felt didn't come from the busyness. I seemed to feel every conversation, every talk, every hymn and song much more keenly than I would do normally. The sense of walking through the week from Palm Sunday to Easter Day was very real - following the steps of Jesus as he went, inescapably, to his crucifixion and then the joy as he rose again on Easter Day. I have felt like layers of meaning and understanding have been peeled back slowly and deliberately this year more than ever before. On Maundy Thursday evening, there was a communion service with washing of hands (rather than feet), followed by stripping of the altar and the rest of the church and then a silent Watch.  My wonderful and thoughtful supervisor, knowing that much of this was quite new to me, invited me to help throughout the se...

St Abbs Harbour This is my church today. The waves breathe in and out over the rocks and breathe into the harbour.  The wind breathes over the scene, lifting seabirds higher and then bringing them down gently. As for me, I am breathing in the clean, salty air and breathing out the cares of the last half term.  Breathing in the quiet and calm and breathing out the busyness of the new routine, the essay deadline, the reading, the meetings and rehearsals, the busy life that my whole family lead. I am taking the time that I have today - this precious, rare moment of not having to be anywhere or do anything - to breathe in all that has been good about this term so far: the new friends made, the things I have learnt, the kindness and hospitality of my new church. I am taking time to breathe in the sense of being God’s beloved daughter. I know that it’s always there but it does me good to consciously look for it and feel it, listening to him, knowing he deli...