A Woman of Many Talents

My Grandma died on 30th April 2021.

That is the bald, undecorated fact in one sentence. She was very frail and elderly, and couldn’t keep fighting illness and dementia forever.

What those sentences can’t express, however, is how much those of us she has left behind will miss her or what we have lost in losing her. 

I can’t speak for my whole family and all of Grandma’s friends – we all have our own memories. But I can speak about who she was to me and begin to pick out just some of the things about her that made such an impact on me.

A pioneer

Grandma was born in 1926, in a farmhouse without running water or electricity in the North West of England. This wasn’t that unusual at the time but it was much more unusual that she went to university in the mid-1940s to train as a doctor. Her mum had broken a few glass ceilings herself by going to agricultural college, but to train as a doctor was on another level again.

Grandma didn’t finish her medical studies for various reasons but she took all that scientific flair and rigour and used it at the Atomic Energy Agency (where she met my Grandpa – also an unlikely scientist), and then into a career in the Civil Service.

I took all of that for granted as I grew up but now, the older I get, the more I understand what an extraordinary pioneer Grandma was. The fact I’m now in a role which, 30 years ago, would have been impossible for a woman, perhaps makes me admire what she achieved even more.

 A people person

Grandma loved people fiercely – perhaps none more than her beloved Glyn, my Grandpa. Even though I was only 10 when Grandpa died, I remember how passionate they were about each other. Theirs was a grand love affair from start to finish.

Grandma loved her whole family fiercely. When my parents were at their wits’ end with an almost entirely sleepless baby girl, she came to our house straight from work once a week. She would walk around, rocking me for the whole night, if necessary, to give Mum and Dad some much-needed respite each week.

Grandma knew how to make people feel loved. She was a great believer in the “un-birthday” present, which basically meant a present for no other reason than she wanted to give it, and a purveyor of treats (but characteristically careful with it!). At her house, she would offer us an “eggcup” just before we got ready for bed. We knew that this meant an eggcup-full of little sweets. Nothing that was going to create a sugar-high before bedtime but enough to know we were being spoilt!

In later years, my own boys would love visiting Grandma because she always had some kind of treat waiting. Whether it was popping corn using her popcorn maker, keeping Ribena cartons in the fridge for them or finding silly films to watch with them, there was always something lovely at her house. I love the fact that they knew her for so long.

But this care for other people extended beyond her own family. She gathered people to her, offering welcome and hospitality (and always food!) to probably hundreds of people over the years. Some of these sojourners came and went but some became pen pals – she was an extraordinarily faithful correspondent until just the last couple of years. And some were fully adopted into the family.  There are more than her three daughters that called my Grandma “Mum”. And there are more than her six grandchildren who called her “Grandma.”

 A teacher

Grandma was a great teacher. I was always an impatient student, trying to forge ahead too quickly but she would be patient and help me fix whatever bodge-job I had made with grace and skill.

She was an amazing cook, too, and was always willing to let us help out in the kitchen (unless it was the baking day for the Women’s Institute Coffee Morning, in which case it was better to stay out of the way of the one-woman production line of shortbread, coffee kisses and other treats – we would have only slowed her down!).

There was the famous time when she showed my cousin and I how to make Coconut Pyramids (basically sweetened condensed milk and desiccated coconut, mixed together and formed into pyramids in your hands). By the time we finished, every utensil, every surface, and every inch of us was covered in a fine layer of sticky coconut. It must have taken ages to clean (and I like to think we helped but can’t be sure) but I don’t think she showed any frustration – I only remember her laughing about it for ages. She didn’t suggest Coconut Pyramids again, however…

 An adventurer

For someone who loved home as much as she did, Grandma had some really intrepid moments!  

In her mid-60s, she decided to make her first transatlantic trip to visit friends and family. But rather than go on her own, she shared the experience with my cousin and I. Our 14-year-old selves couldn’t quite believe our luck! Thanks to wonderful friends with good contacts, we went on VIP tours to the White House and the Capitol Building in Washington DC. We experienced the amazing Niagara Falls together. We had Easter weekend in Ohio, where Grandma got to marvel at the intricate patchwork quilts made by the Amish community.

Ever fair, Grandma then started to look at where she could take my brothers and younger cousin (all of a similar age) when they were between 12 and 14, two years later. This time she teamed up with my cousins’ other grandmother and they went on an extraordinary trip to China together. Quite what the organised group of Women’s Institute members first made of three heavy-metal-loving, teenaged boys arriving on their trip can only be imagined… But they saw wonders together on the trip of a lifetime and won over a coach-load of elderly ladies in the process.

A clever woman

One of the cruellest things about the progression of her dementia in the final few years of Grandma’s life was seeing it overshadow her powerful intellect. She was one of the cleverest people I knew. She devoured books, often abandoning other, less interesting tasks like housework, in favour of finishing the last chapters.

She had a thirst for knowledge and an extraordinary capacity for language. She won prizes for her poetry but just called them her “scribblings.” In her final months, her carers knew that they might entice her into the day room if they ran a quiz or a game of Scrabble. Even at her most frail, she could still wipe the floor with most people!  

A lot of her knowledge was put to good use over the years in her daily completion of the Daily Telegraph’s cryptic crossword. I still don’t fully understand the complexities of the clues but Grandma loved pulling them apart to find the answer. Her only real struggle was with references to pop music or modern films and that’s when she would pick up the phone, carefully selecting the relation most likely to supply the answer!

Grandma was also an eager learner. In her mid-80s, she declared that it was time she got herself online. So she bought a laptop, did a silver-surfers course, opened an email account and ordered her own grocery shopping for years after that. She discovered Google was a great friend, when it came to tricky crossword clues, and she also developed a significant Amazon habit – an online bookstore was a dangerous thing for her and her shelves became even more laden than they had been before.

A great supporter

Grandma was a great supporter of all that we all did. With me, the connection we shared over our love of music was a special one and she was a first-class “groupie” – joining me at my concerts wherever and whenever she could and this, in itself, has created more wonderful memories that often have little to do with the music. 

One of the best trips we made together was to the Llangollen International Eisteddfod with my aunt, Megan, and Grandma’s great friend, the wonderful “Auntie” Hilary. I was competing in one of the vocal categories and just missed out on a place in the final. However, this simply meant that the fun could begin properly!

This was around the time that Grandma was beginning to use a wheelchair if there was any distance to be walked and, that day, she should have ridden the streets of Llangollen like a modern-day Boadicea. But with Megan and I in charge of the wheelchair, it all became a bit more Laurel-and-Hardy. We narrowly avoided catapulting her off a kerb into the main road through Llangollen and then, faced with the long, very steep hill up to the main Eisteddfod site, we took one look at each other, one look at the chair, and grabbed a handle each to push Grandma up to the showground between us. We were laughing so hard at our own ineptitude and lack of fitness by the top of the hill, that we almost let go. Poor Grandma had no idea what was going on behind her and kept asking what was so funny. Auntie Hilary, full of mischief, didn’t help matters by telling Grandma all kinds of stories about what was going on behind her back. We got to the top of the hill and came clean – once again, all Grandma did was laugh. That day was full of laughter.

 

A woman of faith

In the last 10 years, as I deepened my understanding and experience of what it meant to follow Jesus, we would often talk about scripture and prayer and share our journeys together. Her faith had deep roots and she held so much of her experience of God in her heart. In recent years, we would often say Morning or Evening Prayer together when we were in the same place and as long as I switched my app to “traditional” she didn’t need words – she could recite every prayer and would listen to the Psalms and scripture, with her eyes closed and a gentle smile on her face.

I know she was glad I was called to ordained ministry. I rang her from my retreat the day before I was ordained deacon two years ago, knowing that she wasn’t able to make the journey to Coventry to see it for herself, and we shared a moment of sadness but also shared our joy at all that God had done and was doing. I will always be grateful to the staff at her home who made it possible for her to watch my ordination as priest last year through the wonders of YouTube. She saw me step into that priestly calling, sharing that moment with me and other friends and family who were online, and that means the world.

She knew where she was going. She had every confidence and given how hard things got at the end, it was a relief to know that she finally got there. I believe – I know – that she is better off now, safely in the arms of the One who made her, knew her, and loved her.

 

My Grandma was all those things and so much more – to me and to many others. I know that she wasn’t perfect because none of us are. To me, though, she will always be my amazing Grandma – a woman ahead of her time in so many ways; a curator of history and tradition in so many others; a partner in crime and mischief; a conqueror of word puzzles; a holder of strong opinions; an original night-owl who taught me to waltz to Sailing By as Radio 4 closed for the night; a recommender of books; a teacher of skills; a teller of tales; a fellow unashamed weeper who never went anywhere without a tissue, just in case; a woman of faith; a sister-in-Christ; a constant in all our lives.

I will miss her but am beyond grateful to have known her for 45 years.

Go well, Grandma. We love you.