Dealing with Baggage
Please meet my trusty companion of several years: my teaching suitcase.
As someone who was well-trained by the girl guides, I like to be prepared. A lot of my pupils didn't seem to live by the same motto, so I have built up a store of music over the years. If a pupil had sung it, I would carry a copy. Even if they had forgotten everything, I would always have their music so we could still practise, without me having to carry all my music books with me. Other singing teachers cope perfectly well without this ridiculous habit but I got used to it and it worked, even with up to 50 pupils across 3 schools. Apart from the practical problem it raised....
My case also held my admin folder, a folder of spare copies to give to pupils, some books for aural and sight-singing practice, a pencil case, notebooks for each school so I could keep track of pupils' progress and, to top it off, a large speaker and iPod dock. This meant it was a seriously heavy thing to tote around. Working in old, quirky school buildings meant dealing with a lot of stairs and it's hard to know who took the bigger battering in carrying all of this around - me or the case!
As part of the dismantling of my teaching life that I mentioned , I need to empty it, go through everything that's in it and decide what to do with it. I have been putting this task off for a good few days now. Whilst I have often called it very unflattering names as it has got stuck in ruts or has just been too heavy to lift easily, it has been my constant companion. It has lived in my car for years, along with the fan heater (no school ever heats peripatetic teaching rooms properly - so, after the first winter, M gave me a heater so he wouldn't have to deal with me taking 2 hours to thaw out each day). It feels weird to be disposing of it.
However, today I plucked up the courage to start. I was quite shocked at what I found and it got me to thinking a bit...
First of all - back to those music folders. Four of them! As I looked at them today, I realised just how over the top this all was. If I hadn't carried music around, maybe my pupils would have been better at remembering their own......
Alright, maybe not.....But either way, it was too much. Just like the stuff that I often fill my life with - either things I "need" to get, or concerns that aren't really worth stressing out about, or messing about on social media etc when I could be doing something more worthwhile. I can easily fill my life with things I shouldn't, whilst more important things get squeezed out - time to pray, time to read, time with family and friends. And all that music did was weigh my case down and make my arm hurt - not really worth it in the end!
And then, once I took all the folders out and could see the inside of the case properly, I realised that the "scuff marks" on the back of the case were actually dirty great holes - only properly visible when everything was emptied out and the daylight could shine through them!
How often have I ignored the holes, fooling myself into thinking that they are just scuff marks? Pretending that I'm not completely exhausted and saying yes to the thing that will probably finish me off? Not showing if I'm worried or stressed about something, allowing it to gain a power over me that is unhelpful?
I'm a big believer in being honest and open and vulnerable. I'd like to class it as one of my biggest strengths but, as I peered through the holes in my case I hadn't noticed were there, I wondered if perhaps I hide more than I realise without even knowing I'm doing it.
Before you get worried about me drawing so much significance from a battered old suitcase, let me reassure you that these ponderings didn't last long and, as soon as I saw the holes, any sentiment I had been feeling was forgotten and it was dumped, unceremoniously, in the bin!
But I will think about the things it raised for me. At the very least, I will be planning a very different kind of work bag for student life - not just because I can but because I want to start this new season in a fresh way.
I don't want to carry heavy baggage of any kind and am asking God to help me keep my burden light so I can focus on what matters.
As someone who was well-trained by the girl guides, I like to be prepared. A lot of my pupils didn't seem to live by the same motto, so I have built up a store of music over the years. If a pupil had sung it, I would carry a copy. Even if they had forgotten everything, I would always have their music so we could still practise, without me having to carry all my music books with me. Other singing teachers cope perfectly well without this ridiculous habit but I got used to it and it worked, even with up to 50 pupils across 3 schools. Apart from the practical problem it raised....
My case also held my admin folder, a folder of spare copies to give to pupils, some books for aural and sight-singing practice, a pencil case, notebooks for each school so I could keep track of pupils' progress and, to top it off, a large speaker and iPod dock. This meant it was a seriously heavy thing to tote around. Working in old, quirky school buildings meant dealing with a lot of stairs and it's hard to know who took the bigger battering in carrying all of this around - me or the case!
As part of the dismantling of my teaching life that I mentioned , I need to empty it, go through everything that's in it and decide what to do with it. I have been putting this task off for a good few days now. Whilst I have often called it very unflattering names as it has got stuck in ruts or has just been too heavy to lift easily, it has been my constant companion. It has lived in my car for years, along with the fan heater (no school ever heats peripatetic teaching rooms properly - so, after the first winter, M gave me a heater so he wouldn't have to deal with me taking 2 hours to thaw out each day). It feels weird to be disposing of it.
However, today I plucked up the courage to start. I was quite shocked at what I found and it got me to thinking a bit...
First of all - back to those music folders. Four of them! As I looked at them today, I realised just how over the top this all was. If I hadn't carried music around, maybe my pupils would have been better at remembering their own......
Alright, maybe not.....But either way, it was too much. Just like the stuff that I often fill my life with - either things I "need" to get, or concerns that aren't really worth stressing out about, or messing about on social media etc when I could be doing something more worthwhile. I can easily fill my life with things I shouldn't, whilst more important things get squeezed out - time to pray, time to read, time with family and friends. And all that music did was weigh my case down and make my arm hurt - not really worth it in the end!
And then, once I took all the folders out and could see the inside of the case properly, I realised that the "scuff marks" on the back of the case were actually dirty great holes - only properly visible when everything was emptied out and the daylight could shine through them!
How often have I ignored the holes, fooling myself into thinking that they are just scuff marks? Pretending that I'm not completely exhausted and saying yes to the thing that will probably finish me off? Not showing if I'm worried or stressed about something, allowing it to gain a power over me that is unhelpful?
I'm a big believer in being honest and open and vulnerable. I'd like to class it as one of my biggest strengths but, as I peered through the holes in my case I hadn't noticed were there, I wondered if perhaps I hide more than I realise without even knowing I'm doing it.
Before you get worried about me drawing so much significance from a battered old suitcase, let me reassure you that these ponderings didn't last long and, as soon as I saw the holes, any sentiment I had been feeling was forgotten and it was dumped, unceremoniously, in the bin!
But I will think about the things it raised for me. At the very least, I will be planning a very different kind of work bag for student life - not just because I can but because I want to start this new season in a fresh way.
I don't want to carry heavy baggage of any kind and am asking God to help me keep my burden light so I can focus on what matters.
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